I shouldn't be writing this. I should be writing my papers that are due after the weekend is over but I can't. I can't think. I can't feel. I can't write. Let's raise a glass to venting.
I am trying something new, something B calls honesty. Honestly with myself and with the people in my life. But the problem is that sometimes the sweet lies are better than the truth. The more I open up to myself and the deeper I look, the more I hate what I find. I shouldn't have expected the other people in my life to feel differently.
I want to write because I can't talk. I can't explain what is going on in my head or what I mean when I say that all I feel anymore is that I am drowning. I have fallen head over heels for a guy who couldn't be less interested but how can I know if that is real? Emotions are easy to fabricate and the longer you keep up the gimmick the more real they become. Let's just hope that this one doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. It isn't like it matters if what I feel is real; no matter how many of the right things that I do, no matter how hard I try, there are always chains holding us to our past. I would be a fool if I thought he would really cut himself free for me. I wouldn't either.
My chest aches. I can't think about the things I need to think about and I can't stop thinking about the things I shouldn't think about. But I guess that's life. We never really get to chose what our minds obsess over.
I feel myself spiraling. I hate myself more than ever and no matter how hard I try to do things right and put my life back together, the worse my decisions. I didn't used to be like this. I was always that good little girl who did what mommy said. That girl is dead. She was replaced by a bitch with no respect for the rules or the players in the game.
I am burying myself alive. Maybe that's how we escape from the pain. Focus on as many other things as possible before we break under the exhaustion and pressure of all the commitments. You can only bury the past and emotions for so long before they ruin you.
I am cracking and heaven forbid I actually break. If I burn, my world burns with me.
I am tired, lost, and angry. Much more and I might lose it. If I don't know who I am or what I am doing, how can I expect anyone else to interact with me like a normal person? Looks of pity and asking me if I am ok will never get me to open up. In fact, nothing will probably make me open up. I am terrified. No matter where I go or what I do, I can't stop messing my life up, and I hate myself for it. I have stopped looking for answers and I have started looking for a way to get away from my life.
I feel claustrophobic, like the entire world is pushing on my chest and all I want to do is run but I don't know where to go. Most days I just want to get in my car and drive until I run out of gas or I hit the border. Whichever comes last.
I've absolutely lost control of my life and I don't know how to regain control. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe the emotional strain of tonight is sending me to a dark place again. I don't know. But I am done. What I am done with, I don't know, but I came to college for new beginnings and it sure feels an awful lot like my life before college.
October 17, 2015
October 11, 2015
Some Things Never Change
A lot changes in three years. I look back at my old self, the me in high school, and I remember who I was and who I loved. I considered starting a new blog - just someplace to get my thoughts out of my head but I realized that while I am a lot different now and I have new friends and I live in a new city with new experiences, I am still the same. Some things never change.
I still love fall and can feel the changes in the air as I watch the leaves fall off the trees.
I still want to change people and this world we live in.
I still haven't lost my ambition or love of life. I could never walk away.
I still wake up every morning ready to conquer life.
And it seems with this fall, I am falling in love again.
This new me needs a place to be expressive without fear of condemnation and I want to use this recently cleaned up canvas to be raw and unapologetic about who I am. I want to start being honest with myself and with my feelings. I am so done letting everyone else tell me who I am and I am not about to start my adult life out how everyone else thinks is best.
I think it is also time to start a new chapter of introspection - what makes me tick. Honestly, I am terrified of what I am going to find and what I am capable of but how can I take control of my life if I can't even control myself?
So here is new beginnings. Here is to being 21 in less than a month. Here is to unrequited love and all the complications it brings. Here is to family and all the pain they cause us. Here is to family and how no matter how bad things get, they are the ones who will always be there for us. Here is to honesty and knowing ourselves and what we are capable of. Here is to remembering that no matter how much someone means to you, a day may come where they stab you in the back in the name of friendship. Here is to friends, Lord knows we couldn't make it through this life without them.
So let's raise a glass to the new age of adulthood, Let's raise a glass to the raw and unadulterated beauty that is our minds.
I still love fall and can feel the changes in the air as I watch the leaves fall off the trees.
I still want to change people and this world we live in.
I still haven't lost my ambition or love of life. I could never walk away.
I still wake up every morning ready to conquer life.
And it seems with this fall, I am falling in love again.
This new me needs a place to be expressive without fear of condemnation and I want to use this recently cleaned up canvas to be raw and unapologetic about who I am. I want to start being honest with myself and with my feelings. I am so done letting everyone else tell me who I am and I am not about to start my adult life out how everyone else thinks is best.
I think it is also time to start a new chapter of introspection - what makes me tick. Honestly, I am terrified of what I am going to find and what I am capable of but how can I take control of my life if I can't even control myself?
So here is new beginnings. Here is to being 21 in less than a month. Here is to unrequited love and all the complications it brings. Here is to family and all the pain they cause us. Here is to family and how no matter how bad things get, they are the ones who will always be there for us. Here is to honesty and knowing ourselves and what we are capable of. Here is to remembering that no matter how much someone means to you, a day may come where they stab you in the back in the name of friendship. Here is to friends, Lord knows we couldn't make it through this life without them.
So let's raise a glass to the new age of adulthood, Let's raise a glass to the raw and unadulterated beauty that is our minds.
April 7, 2012
Honor - Live - Create
I admit it - I write out my life in fiction. I guess you could really say that I draft out a dramatized version of the experiences that leave an impression on me. It really is therapeutic to be able to look at a situation on paper and see what I could have done differently or what worked/went well.
However, a dramatized version of life gives you an altered sense of the reality. What this means is we forget what is fantasy and fiction; then, we lose our grasp on reality. As wonderful as a fantasized version of our lives may be, when we wake up to reality we can get a "culture shock"
I have yet to hear it stated better:
Honor the past. Live the present. Create the future.
However, I usually say:
The past may suck, but it is what you were given. The present may hurt, but it is all you have to work with. The future is what you have left and what you do today will make or break whether your future will be exactly like the past. Don't let it.
Today, remember, your future is what you make of the today you have been given. The past is the past so there is nothing you can do about it, so move past. Live your life with no regrets, and in the end, there will be nothing for you to regret.
Honoring the past, living the present, and creating a better future,
-Danielle
However, a dramatized version of life gives you an altered sense of the reality. What this means is we forget what is fantasy and fiction; then, we lose our grasp on reality. As wonderful as a fantasized version of our lives may be, when we wake up to reality we can get a "culture shock"
I have yet to hear it stated better:
Honor the past. Live the present. Create the future.
However, I usually say:
The past may suck, but it is what you were given. The present may hurt, but it is all you have to work with. The future is what you have left and what you do today will make or break whether your future will be exactly like the past. Don't let it.
Today, remember, your future is what you make of the today you have been given. The past is the past so there is nothing you can do about it, so move past. Live your life with no regrets, and in the end, there will be nothing for you to regret.
Honoring the past, living the present, and creating a better future,
-Danielle
January 14, 2012
Three Little Words
I Love You.
The first thought to this phrase is: "Aaaaaawwwhh!!" but I want to look at what this really means.
Definition of love: (From the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)
I would like to direct your attention down to number1a and 4a-
What people don't realize though, is that most of the time it is the people around you who seem the most happy that need to be told, I love you, the most. Masks are so dangerous, and generally, they look like happy. So today, go tell someone "I love you," and mean it. Because you never know, you might just save their life.
-Danielle
The first thought to this phrase is: "Aaaaaawwwhh!!" but I want to look at what this really means.
Definition of love: (From the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)
I would like to direct your attention down to number1a and 4a-
strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal tiesI think this should give us a whole new perspective on the phrase "I love you" It isn't just for a man and a woman who are "in love" or even just for a mother and her child, in essence what you are saying is:
unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another
I have a strong affection for you based out of my unselfish and loyal concern for you.In this case I think we should be much more careful about who we say "I love you" to, why we are saying it, and what we really mean. There is a big difference between, 'I love you" and "I kinda care about you"
What people don't realize though, is that most of the time it is the people around you who seem the most happy that need to be told, I love you, the most. Masks are so dangerous, and generally, they look like happy. So today, go tell someone "I love you," and mean it. Because you never know, you might just save their life.
-Danielle
The First Snow
I love snow, absolutely love it.
A sheet of snow on the ground covers everything. You can't see what was there before, it is simply covered.
The problem is that no matter how much snow falls, no matter if that is all you can see, all it does is cover. All the rocks, sticks, mud, and nasties are still there. When the snow melts, you will see it again, because the snow does absolutely nothing but cover it up.
This got me to thinking today as I watched the snow fall. We all have problems and pasts we want to dissipate, but I feel that all to often instead of addressing the root problem, we let the snow fall. It falls, and falls, and falls, and falls, beautiful as ever. People look and see a beautiful blanket of "snow" and we, momentarily, feel gratified. Happy, even, that we are able to look so beautiful.
But the sun will rise, like it does every single day, and the clouds will part, like they always do, and when that happens, the snow melts. The snow melts into a nasty slushy mess, revealing what is underneath and that what was there was just a cover, a facade. No matter how long we wear our masks, no matter how much a part of us they become, the moment we are put under fire, everything will slide off, and the truth will be revealed.
I have to be honest, that is what I fear most. The masks I choose to wear, who will be there when they come off? What will those people see? I like myself better with my masks, but I have to ask myself, is it really worth it? I have come to the conclusion, that no, it is not worth it. Why wear a mask, and cover yourself in a beautiful blanket of snow, when you can instead pick up the rocks, mud, dirt, sticks, and other nasties from your life. Be beautiful underneath the snow.
I promise, if you want to, if you are willing ot put in the work, you can be more beautiful after the snow melts. You can be even more striking without the mask.
Throw off the mask, and smile in your new beauty.
~ Danielle
A sheet of snow on the ground covers everything. You can't see what was there before, it is simply covered.
The problem is that no matter how much snow falls, no matter if that is all you can see, all it does is cover. All the rocks, sticks, mud, and nasties are still there. When the snow melts, you will see it again, because the snow does absolutely nothing but cover it up.
This got me to thinking today as I watched the snow fall. We all have problems and pasts we want to dissipate, but I feel that all to often instead of addressing the root problem, we let the snow fall. It falls, and falls, and falls, and falls, beautiful as ever. People look and see a beautiful blanket of "snow" and we, momentarily, feel gratified. Happy, even, that we are able to look so beautiful.
But the sun will rise, like it does every single day, and the clouds will part, like they always do, and when that happens, the snow melts. The snow melts into a nasty slushy mess, revealing what is underneath and that what was there was just a cover, a facade. No matter how long we wear our masks, no matter how much a part of us they become, the moment we are put under fire, everything will slide off, and the truth will be revealed.
I have to be honest, that is what I fear most. The masks I choose to wear, who will be there when they come off? What will those people see? I like myself better with my masks, but I have to ask myself, is it really worth it? I have come to the conclusion, that no, it is not worth it. Why wear a mask, and cover yourself in a beautiful blanket of snow, when you can instead pick up the rocks, mud, dirt, sticks, and other nasties from your life. Be beautiful underneath the snow.
I promise, if you want to, if you are willing ot put in the work, you can be more beautiful after the snow melts. You can be even more striking without the mask.
Throw off the mask, and smile in your new beauty.
~ Danielle
December 9, 2011
I admit, I am a writer... (Also known as, Patience is a Virtue and You Can Go On)
As much as I would like to deny it... I am a writer.
Whenever something (or someone) perplexes me, I write about it. Getting my mind on paper helps me to organize my thoughts, see them in order, and analyze what is to be done next. I have been doing a lot of writing lately, and lots of thinking. Seems the older I get, the more that begs me to contemplate. Sometimes it seems to me, contemplation is part of growing up, just a piece of the puzzle, a stage inthe cycle, however small it may be, still important.
A lot has happened in this last month, I turned 17 and my world was turned upside down. While a whole new world can be a good thing, most often I believe it confuses our minds. A new perspective is growing and beneficial every once in a while, but it begs the question, is this the right perspective? This is the single most important question to ask because it itself begs the single most important answer, should I keep this new perspective?
I have found that this new perspective has taken some getting used to, as do all perspective changes, which in turn causes it's own problems. Anything new can be a challenge, and while a challenge can be difficult, not only is it beneficial, but rewarding. Sometimes the hardest things in life are in fact the most rewarding. Maybe not at first will it seem rewarding, but I can guarantee that if it was the right thing to do, it will eventually be rewarding.
I have been learning a lot about patience, and by that I mean a LOT... I have never been good at waiting, and ironically, all this waiting around has been testing my patience. I have been told patience is a virtue, and if it doesn't kill me first I may in fact be better for it. In any case, in the words of an optimist, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." This really does beg the question, what kind of strength? Being strong can be being numb to a situation. Strong can be fighting back the tears till you are alone. Stron can mean being stone-hearted. But strong can be so many other things. Strong can be crying with one who is hurting, helping them wipe of their tears, standing up, and walking with them. Strength can be saying no when everything inside you screams yes. Strength can also be leaning on the people around you. For me, strength is getting up when nothing in you wants to, smiling when tears are begging to fall, walking away from the challenge, and picking up the peoe along the way, even though you can hardly keep going yourself. True strength, is when you hit rock bottom, your lowest low, when you have nothing left, crying out "God take me! I can't go on!" Then you lean on Him and He will carry you through.
I guess the entire point of this is, firstly, my apologies for going so long without a post, and secondly, persevere. Patience, they say, will reward you someday, and when you feel like you can't go on, be strong. Life will go on, you will go on, and if you really want to, you can get through whatever life decides to throw at you.
This is all to say, live in today, focus on the step in front of you, and then the one after
that, and eventually, after enough steps, you will be through the day.
Comment away, I do certainly love your comments.
With much love,
Danielle
Whenever something (or someone) perplexes me, I write about it. Getting my mind on paper helps me to organize my thoughts, see them in order, and analyze what is to be done next. I have been doing a lot of writing lately, and lots of thinking. Seems the older I get, the more that begs me to contemplate. Sometimes it seems to me, contemplation is part of growing up, just a piece of the puzzle, a stage inthe cycle, however small it may be, still important.
A lot has happened in this last month, I turned 17 and my world was turned upside down. While a whole new world can be a good thing, most often I believe it confuses our minds. A new perspective is growing and beneficial every once in a while, but it begs the question, is this the right perspective? This is the single most important question to ask because it itself begs the single most important answer, should I keep this new perspective?
I have found that this new perspective has taken some getting used to, as do all perspective changes, which in turn causes it's own problems. Anything new can be a challenge, and while a challenge can be difficult, not only is it beneficial, but rewarding. Sometimes the hardest things in life are in fact the most rewarding. Maybe not at first will it seem rewarding, but I can guarantee that if it was the right thing to do, it will eventually be rewarding.
I have been learning a lot about patience, and by that I mean a LOT... I have never been good at waiting, and ironically, all this waiting around has been testing my patience. I have been told patience is a virtue, and if it doesn't kill me first I may in fact be better for it. In any case, in the words of an optimist, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." This really does beg the question, what kind of strength? Being strong can be being numb to a situation. Strong can be fighting back the tears till you are alone. Stron can mean being stone-hearted. But strong can be so many other things. Strong can be crying with one who is hurting, helping them wipe of their tears, standing up, and walking with them. Strength can be saying no when everything inside you screams yes. Strength can also be leaning on the people around you. For me, strength is getting up when nothing in you wants to, smiling when tears are begging to fall, walking away from the challenge, and picking up the peoe along the way, even though you can hardly keep going yourself. True strength, is when you hit rock bottom, your lowest low, when you have nothing left, crying out "God take me! I can't go on!" Then you lean on Him and He will carry you through.
I guess the entire point of this is, firstly, my apologies for going so long without a post, and secondly, persevere. Patience, they say, will reward you someday, and when you feel like you can't go on, be strong. Life will go on, you will go on, and if you really want to, you can get through whatever life decides to throw at you.
This is all to say, live in today, focus on the step in front of you, and then the one after
that, and eventually, after enough steps, you will be through the day.
Comment away, I do certainly love your comments.
With much love,
Danielle
November 3, 2011
Facebook Does Not Equal Evil
I sat there, looking at the statuses, looking at the names... I was wondering at what these people were far to willing to tell me. Half the names I don't recognize... More than that I don't remember one memory with. That is messed up. I feel like there is an ocean between me and my Facebook friends, an ocean that cannot be crossed by wall posts, and "pokes", and an insurmountable number of things you can now do that I am unaware of.
I stopped using Facebook a few months ago, more, I was just avoiding... But still, instead of leaving me joyful and fulfilled, it has been leaving me empty,sad, and lonely.
Perhaps this is why so many more people are using sites like match.com, and e-harmony. I promise I don't have 200+ friends, and frankly Facebook reminds me of that.
Instead of being radical and saying Facebook is evil and we should all stop using it, I instead say, Facebook is a great thing, but we should be using it more wisely. Instead of posting a stat about that party you went to last night, post something encouraging, like how God is working in your life. The worst thing about FB to me, is all the useless, unintelligible, and just plain odd statuses. They drive me insane.
So today, remember, Facebook is just like anything else in life, and should be used to encourage.Quick Sidenote is this applies to blogs too... Be careful what you post, and remember who it can affect.
Have a good rest of your day!
-Danielle
I stopped using Facebook a few months ago, more, I was just avoiding... But still, instead of leaving me joyful and fulfilled, it has been leaving me empty,sad, and lonely.
Perhaps this is why so many more people are using sites like match.com, and e-harmony. I promise I don't have 200+ friends, and frankly Facebook reminds me of that.
Instead of being radical and saying Facebook is evil and we should all stop using it, I instead say, Facebook is a great thing, but we should be using it more wisely. Instead of posting a stat about that party you went to last night, post something encouraging, like how God is working in your life. The worst thing about FB to me, is all the useless, unintelligible, and just plain odd statuses. They drive me insane.
So today, remember, Facebook is just like anything else in life, and should be used to encourage.Quick Sidenote is this applies to blogs too... Be careful what you post, and remember who it can affect.
Have a good rest of your day!
-Danielle
September 30, 2011
"Remember who the enemy is."
"Remember who the enemy is."
This phrase haunted my mind for days after finishing the novel, "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins, but I couldn't figure out why. What is that even supposed to mean? For the main character, Katniss Everdeen, this means that she must be the spark that sets off a rebellion instead of participating a vile tradition the government had implemented. (For more info, go ahead and read the hunger games, by Suzanne Collins. Oh awhile you are at it you might as well read Catching Fire and Mocking Jay too. :P)
But what does this mean for me? Who is our enemy and who do we often mistake for the enemy?
You might be thinking the enemy is Satan, and you are right, in a way.
Satan is not the only enemy of God. Dictionary.com defines 'Enemy" as: "a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent." So in effect, anyone or anything that opposes God is His enemy.
1 Peter 5:8-9 says "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world."
This says that indeed the enemy is the devil, but we can become an "enemy" of God too. Check out what James says in James 4:4-5
"You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”?"
How scary is that!! I have an awful feeling in my stomach just thinking about that. To be called an enemy of God is sobering. What we do here in life should not be taken lightly.
Paul really gets to the point in 1 Corinthians 15:25-28, then again, Paul is just awesome like that. :)
"For He must reign until He has put all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy that will be abolished is death. For HE HAS PUT ALL THINGS IN SUBJECTION UNDER HIS FEET. But when He says, “All things are put in subjection,” it is evident that He is excepted who put all things in subjection to Him. When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all."
I think all to often people consider anyone who hurts them to be their enemy. I am not saying an obsession, like an arch nemesis, but take for instance when a friend says something, not anything bad, but something that just sets you off. When you lash out at them, you are making them your enemy, and losing focus. Every time you yell at a sibling, or "lose your cool" with a friend, you have lost sight of our true goal.
No next time you want to tell someone off, or tattle on your siblings, or grumble at your mom for making you walk five extra feet, remember what you are doing....
Psalm 97:10 calls us to "Hate evil, you who love the LORD, Who preserves the souls of His godly ones; He delivers them from the hand of the wicked."
Evil is opposed to God, or God's enemy... God calls us to hate what He hates.
God's enemies are our enemies, not the guy who cuts you off on the highway. Maybe his mom just got diagnosed with cancer, and he isn't paying attention. Your siblings are not your enemies, they may annoy you, but that is no need to lash out at them. And our parents, most of all, are not our enemies. Every time we get irritated with our mom or dad, we are being distracted, making them our enemies. Satan loves this, inter family strife. It distracts us from the spiritual war that is going on, and causes us to sin. When we get mad at someone, is it really because they did something bad? No, it is because we feel like they have injured us. It is selfishness. I promise selfishness is not a virtue.
"Remember who the enemy is."
With the love of Christ,
Danielle Fife
This phrase haunted my mind for days after finishing the novel, "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins, but I couldn't figure out why. What is that even supposed to mean? For the main character, Katniss Everdeen, this means that she must be the spark that sets off a rebellion instead of participating a vile tradition the government had implemented. (For more info, go ahead and read the hunger games, by Suzanne Collins. Oh awhile you are at it you might as well read Catching Fire and Mocking Jay too. :P)
But what does this mean for me? Who is our enemy and who do we often mistake for the enemy?
You might be thinking the enemy is Satan, and you are right, in a way.
Satan is not the only enemy of God. Dictionary.com defines 'Enemy" as: "a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent." So in effect, anyone or anything that opposes God is His enemy.
1 Peter 5:8-9 says "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world."
This says that indeed the enemy is the devil, but we can become an "enemy" of God too. Check out what James says in James 4:4-5
"You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”?"
How scary is that!! I have an awful feeling in my stomach just thinking about that. To be called an enemy of God is sobering. What we do here in life should not be taken lightly.
Paul really gets to the point in 1 Corinthians 15:25-28, then again, Paul is just awesome like that. :)
"For He must reign until He has put all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy that will be abolished is death. For HE HAS PUT ALL THINGS IN SUBJECTION UNDER HIS FEET. But when He says, “All things are put in subjection,” it is evident that He is excepted who put all things in subjection to Him. When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all."
I think all to often people consider anyone who hurts them to be their enemy. I am not saying an obsession, like an arch nemesis, but take for instance when a friend says something, not anything bad, but something that just sets you off. When you lash out at them, you are making them your enemy, and losing focus. Every time you yell at a sibling, or "lose your cool" with a friend, you have lost sight of our true goal.
No next time you want to tell someone off, or tattle on your siblings, or grumble at your mom for making you walk five extra feet, remember what you are doing....
Psalm 97:10 calls us to "Hate evil, you who love the LORD, Who preserves the souls of His godly ones; He delivers them from the hand of the wicked."
Evil is opposed to God, or God's enemy... God calls us to hate what He hates.
God's enemies are our enemies, not the guy who cuts you off on the highway. Maybe his mom just got diagnosed with cancer, and he isn't paying attention. Your siblings are not your enemies, they may annoy you, but that is no need to lash out at them. And our parents, most of all, are not our enemies. Every time we get irritated with our mom or dad, we are being distracted, making them our enemies. Satan loves this, inter family strife. It distracts us from the spiritual war that is going on, and causes us to sin. When we get mad at someone, is it really because they did something bad? No, it is because we feel like they have injured us. It is selfishness. I promise selfishness is not a virtue.
"Remember who the enemy is."
With the love of Christ,
Danielle Fife
September 21, 2011
Apprehension and Debate Partners
Right now I am stressing out.
This Monday, Mr. Wolcott will be announcing debate partners.
To non-debaters, this will seem trivial, and even silly. Fear not, I have not lost my mind.
My debate partner-to-be and I will be spending a lot of time together. I mean a LOT of time together.
Late nights on g-chat, mid-day panicked phone calls, early mornings at tourneys, and did I mention all the time we will be spending at coffee shops? :P (I am going to be seriously broke at the end of this debate season!)
My point is that I know I am not the only debater to be thinking this, and probably my partner to be is as scared as I am. Though I seriously doubt it. None of us want to be a disappointment.
The good news, is none of us will be a disappointment if we continue to put God first, then others, and then ourselves. The only way we can be dissapointments is if we make it all about winning and ourselves.
Just my "little" note of encouragement. :) See you lovely debaters on Monday, and some even sooner. :)
With His love,
Danielle <3
This Monday, Mr. Wolcott will be announcing debate partners.
To non-debaters, this will seem trivial, and even silly. Fear not, I have not lost my mind.
My debate partner-to-be and I will be spending a lot of time together. I mean a LOT of time together.
Late nights on g-chat, mid-day panicked phone calls, early mornings at tourneys, and did I mention all the time we will be spending at coffee shops? :P (I am going to be seriously broke at the end of this debate season!)
My point is that I know I am not the only debater to be thinking this, and probably my partner to be is as scared as I am. Though I seriously doubt it. None of us want to be a disappointment.
The good news, is none of us will be a disappointment if we continue to put God first, then others, and then ourselves. The only way we can be dissapointments is if we make it all about winning and ourselves.
Just my "little" note of encouragement. :) See you lovely debaters on Monday, and some even sooner. :)
With His love,
Danielle <3
July 26, 2011
The Most Dangerous Word
I have come to the conclusion that the word "we" is the most dangerous word in the English language.
Hear me out on this one.
Example: "Sorry Mom, I broke your favorite vase"
"Sorry Mom, we broke your favorite vase."
See the difference? Stay with me.
The difference between the two sentences is tremendous and extremely consequential. In sentence one, you have someone owning up to their sin and being totally honest, in sentence two, you have someone dragging another person into a situation that should only be between the vase breaker and their mother. Now even though Brother and Sister Bearenstien might have broken the vase together, (Like my reference there?) they need to own up to the sin separately. The problem with apologizing as a group is that no one really owns the sin, instead, a group apologizes for something individuals caused. You could say "Yeah mom, we are really sorry," and you don't have to be sorry because it is not you that is sorry, the group is sorry. It is the difference of getting a letter of apology from a big company, or a personal letter of apology from the company's president. You would feel much better with the later.
My point is I feel that all to often, instead of owning our sins as individuals, we wrap other people up into it to make ourselves feel better, and there is absolutely no redemption. Apologies are not about about saying the right words, but the heart attitude, and you can only know the condition of your own heart, never the heart of others. It is all about accountability.
Now I hope you understand why I believe the word "We" is the most dangerous word in the English language.
Goodnight!
Danielle Fife
Hear me out on this one.
Example: "Sorry Mom, I broke your favorite vase"
"Sorry Mom, we broke your favorite vase."
See the difference? Stay with me.
The difference between the two sentences is tremendous and extremely consequential. In sentence one, you have someone owning up to their sin and being totally honest, in sentence two, you have someone dragging another person into a situation that should only be between the vase breaker and their mother. Now even though Brother and Sister Bearenstien might have broken the vase together, (Like my reference there?) they need to own up to the sin separately. The problem with apologizing as a group is that no one really owns the sin, instead, a group apologizes for something individuals caused. You could say "Yeah mom, we are really sorry," and you don't have to be sorry because it is not you that is sorry, the group is sorry. It is the difference of getting a letter of apology from a big company, or a personal letter of apology from the company's president. You would feel much better with the later.
My point is I feel that all to often, instead of owning our sins as individuals, we wrap other people up into it to make ourselves feel better, and there is absolutely no redemption. Apologies are not about about saying the right words, but the heart attitude, and you can only know the condition of your own heart, never the heart of others. It is all about accountability.
Now I hope you understand why I believe the word "We" is the most dangerous word in the English language.
Goodnight!
Danielle Fife
April 24, 2011
Listening to God
It's kinda funny what happens when you listen to God.
Actually, it's not that funny.
I want to tell you a story, about listening to God, and where it has landed me.
Last year at the homeschool convention, my mom and I walked past one of the many booths. The guy standing there tried to hand us a flier. Naturally, like anyone else would have, we refused. We got about five feet away and we stopped. God had told us to go back and talk to the guy at the booth.
So we did.
The man at the booth was telling me about this Spanish class he taught when I saw on the back wall a picture of someone I knew. "Hey, is that Chris Riegg?" The man looked at me kinda funny, "Yeah, that's my son Christopher." I had met Chris at Teenpact (I will leave this for a later post) the year before, and realized this couldn't be a coincidence. So, I listened to God, and I signed up for the Spanish class.
About six months later, Mr. Riegg sent out an email about the Mexico Mission trip. I naturally assumed, as the stupid American I am, "I don't have time to be traveling around to foreign countries and serving God!" So I said, no. My mom decided, however, that I needed to go to the first meeting to "see what it was all about". So, I went.
At that first meeting, I sat down, with the mindset of, "Well, I will listen, but I am not going, I have no reason to." Then two spunky, kind, sweet girls sat down next to me, determined to change my mind, or maybe it was God.... Macaela and Hannah told me all about the wonderful trip the year before and how happy they were that I was going. While I watched the amazing video of last year's trip, God spoke to me. He asked me one question, "What do you have to lose?" So, my parents and I got back into our car, and I told my parents that I needed to go. Like the awesome parents they are, they said, "If God wants you to." So I prayed about it, and I went.
On this mission trip (with some of the most amazing people ever) to Rancho Santa Marta, there happened to be several debaters from a local debate club. During the course of this week, Adam, Shelby, Macaela, Chris, Matthew, and Hannah convinced me I needed to go see what this NCFCA stuff was about. So they invited me to come watch Regionals a few weeks later. So... yeah, I listened to God and I went.
At the NCFCA Regionals, I watched all these amazing people (plus many more that I had met at TeenPact before, but that's another story) compete in speech and debate. I was moved and convicted by these not-so-average teens, on fire for their savior, having fun, learning, and bonding together while doing something very close to my heart. So what did I do next?
I listened to God, introduced myself to their debate coach, and now I am going to join NCFCA this fall for speech and debate. I have new amazing Godly friends who I love (and love me too :), all because I listened to my Lord, my Life, my Redeemer, my Savior, and my Lover who has great plans for me if only I will listen.
You know what the best part is? I couldn't be happier.
It is kinda funny what happens when you listen to God, and I kinda like it.
With His love,
Danielle <3
Actually, it's not that funny.
I want to tell you a story, about listening to God, and where it has landed me.
Last year at the homeschool convention, my mom and I walked past one of the many booths. The guy standing there tried to hand us a flier. Naturally, like anyone else would have, we refused. We got about five feet away and we stopped. God had told us to go back and talk to the guy at the booth.
So we did.
The man at the booth was telling me about this Spanish class he taught when I saw on the back wall a picture of someone I knew. "Hey, is that Chris Riegg?" The man looked at me kinda funny, "Yeah, that's my son Christopher." I had met Chris at Teenpact (I will leave this for a later post) the year before, and realized this couldn't be a coincidence. So, I listened to God, and I signed up for the Spanish class.
About six months later, Mr. Riegg sent out an email about the Mexico Mission trip. I naturally assumed, as the stupid American I am, "I don't have time to be traveling around to foreign countries and serving God!" So I said, no. My mom decided, however, that I needed to go to the first meeting to "see what it was all about". So, I went.
At that first meeting, I sat down, with the mindset of, "Well, I will listen, but I am not going, I have no reason to." Then two spunky, kind, sweet girls sat down next to me, determined to change my mind, or maybe it was God.... Macaela and Hannah told me all about the wonderful trip the year before and how happy they were that I was going. While I watched the amazing video of last year's trip, God spoke to me. He asked me one question, "What do you have to lose?" So, my parents and I got back into our car, and I told my parents that I needed to go. Like the awesome parents they are, they said, "If God wants you to." So I prayed about it, and I went.
On this mission trip (with some of the most amazing people ever) to Rancho Santa Marta, there happened to be several debaters from a local debate club. During the course of this week, Adam, Shelby, Macaela, Chris, Matthew, and Hannah convinced me I needed to go see what this NCFCA stuff was about. So they invited me to come watch Regionals a few weeks later. So... yeah, I listened to God and I went.
At the NCFCA Regionals, I watched all these amazing people (plus many more that I had met at TeenPact before, but that's another story) compete in speech and debate. I was moved and convicted by these not-so-average teens, on fire for their savior, having fun, learning, and bonding together while doing something very close to my heart. So what did I do next?
I listened to God, introduced myself to their debate coach, and now I am going to join NCFCA this fall for speech and debate. I have new amazing Godly friends who I love (and love me too :), all because I listened to my Lord, my Life, my Redeemer, my Savior, and my Lover who has great plans for me if only I will listen.
You know what the best part is? I couldn't be happier.
It is kinda funny what happens when you listen to God, and I kinda like it.
With His love,
Danielle <3
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